your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
ugly people sure do ruin things
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
