Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
