Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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