He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
