I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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