So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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