Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
