she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
