I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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