i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
