im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Randomize
