I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
