i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
