he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
