what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
