the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
