smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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