I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
we're so committed to being not committed
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
