Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
