well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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