Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
