By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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