I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
