It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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