i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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