Dual....:-)
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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