Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
