I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
