girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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