I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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