I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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