If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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