I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
