just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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