My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
