i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
