I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
