He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize