Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
