There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
