Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
