He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
