This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
