there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
