I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
