im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
