I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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