you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
