paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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