i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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