I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
