I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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