Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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