i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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