I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
