she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize