You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
