We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
