Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
