Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I need moral support for this bender
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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