she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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