The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
