watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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