Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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