Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
