just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
