She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
