My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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