Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize