im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
