Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize