We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
