somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
