his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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