Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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