ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
