OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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