I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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