you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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