That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
