This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
