Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
