Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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