Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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