my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
