I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
