Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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