I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I met the friendliest cop last night
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
