I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
