Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
