You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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