we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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