How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just google imaged poop.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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