Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
