nut hugger
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
