I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
