I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
