there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
