The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
