It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
