I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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