i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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