I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Im part way to drunk.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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