The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
