Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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