You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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