I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
