My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
