he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
