dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
