Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
